fun fact about my mother, she hates rap. she's asked me to turn the music i play in the car or at home off because it's too aggressive or hard to listen to, especially when it's rap. one of my favorite reasons she's given me is that she's uncomfortable when Black people say [the n word]. yes, we're not Black. i love rap. and no, it's not because i'm such a good, open-minded person. it's because i'm a bad kid. fuck my mother, i love rap. i love rap because when i've worn my headphones, with the relative freedom to find what i might need to hear without anyone breathing down my neck, what i've needed to hear is really aggressive -- or, fuck that, assertive, expressive -- music. breakcore, punk, and yeah, some rap (not all rap); because this is the most expressive out of an entire art form made to express. music itself is expression, and punk & rap (again, not all rap, the rap i listen to) especially are at the height of that, are what you make if you've got something screaming in you to get out, and they're what you're drawn to if you're like me and you live in a shithole. if you're like me and you live in a shithole, you like to know that others live in shitholes, too. believe it or not, i love Busdriver and Aesop Rock for the same reasons i love Korn, SoaD, Suicidal Tendencies. there might be something wrong with me or where i'm from if that speaks to me, but at least i'm not alone. music is so, so important to me. it is one of the ways i communicate. the times i've made playlists of songs trying to figure out what i feel, or even just trying to feel, are countless. when i fell in love, i made that man a playlist with fifty songs on it. i loved him. i love music.
what i'm listening to right now:
